Tuesday, June 10, 2014
We moved into this new house and while I have determined that our budget can handle the increase in mortgage payment I still am nervous that I'm going to be over my head with the debt. Then there's the improvement projects we need to do with the house which are weighing over my head.
Every time I'm on my way "home" I have this feeling of dread. Like where I'm living is not my home anymore. I'm here temporarily. Things are temporary in it, too. We have to finish the basement. My bathroom shower is ruined from me leaning against the wall and revealing that the drywall is soft.
I also still need to get a couple of things set up in the house and I have three appliances I need to sell on Craigslist two of which are not listed yet.
I'm also stressed about renting out my old house and all that entails as being a renter.
Finally, I am in a feud with one of my children who seems to believe everything is owed to him and he can never do anything wrong and if he does screw up he can never admit it or say he's sorry. He has no remorse or sympathy for anyone else whatsoever. He wonders why his brothers can't stand him when he spent the last 12 years of his life torturing them and calling them names and putting them down. I can see it bothers him but he is so pig-headed that he can't see it and won't change anything about it. He says he punishes them for being "stupid" because we won't. I told him when he has kids he can punish them for being stupid and see how far it gets him with his children.
Everything is going wrong lately even with the outpouring of help from people. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. I have other stressors that I cannot speak of in a public forum like this.
I need prayer but I feel prayer doesn't do anything. People have been praying for me for YEARS and things only get worse. "Some day it will get better" Perhaps it will never get better. Perhaps the Lord has deemed that my life be filled with these problems and I just have to accept it.
And, of course, through all this I think of the people who have it worse than me. Those who have no jobs, no place to live, their children hate them, their lives are infinitely worse than mine. So I have no right to complain and be upset. I guess that's true. So, I suffer and I post on this blog which nobody reads so most people will never know that I am feeling this way.
It's therapeutic in a way. I can vent and get stuff out and hardly anyone would ever see it. Perhaps someday someone will but it won't matter then. Because this too shall pass and then the next thing will come along.
Sunday, June 01, 2014
I am writing this post from my phone so bear with me. The reason why is that we have no internet.
I thought I was ahead of the game by scheduling my move for my internet service for the 31st early. I scheduled it around the 22nd of May. Everything was in place and I was even given a great rate change.
Then on the the evening of Memorial Day, our internet shut off; the 26th. I called to ask what was going on and the man said we were moving and it was turned up at the new house. I asked why they would do it 5 days early and he said someone got the days mixed up. I would have to talk to the move dept. who was off since it was memorial day.
Tuesday I called and he said the only way I could get service turned on at my old house was too cancel my appointment for the 31st. I asked him, how hard is it to hook up the equipment. He told me it was very easy all I had to do but plug it in. So I told him go ahead and cancel the appointment turn service back on at my old house and I would do it myself on the 31st.
That is when I got the surprise then I would lose my great rate that I was given before. He put me on hold for a long time and came back with the rate that was 7 dollars more per month and he said "well its almost what you had before." Yeah, thanks.
Now fast forward to yesterday. It was after 10 p.m. When I tried to plug everything in and nothing worked. So I called Time Warner and she said "Oh I will turn up your service now" and when she did still nothing worked. She told me that there had been no service at our house since 2010 and its very possible the lines have been cut. And that I should really have had a service tech come out to do the installation. Of course I was livid because I wanted a service tech to come out but I had to cancel that appointment.
So now, we have a service tech come out end the earliest date is this coming Thursday after I am going to be out of town. So the first possible time we can probably get everything up and running is Sunday when I get back. We are going to miss an entire week without our phone (VoIP) and television which we get online.
I would switch service to a new company but unfortunately Time Warner has the best service and speeds for this area.
I at least I am not paying for this week, so that is good. I wish I could get more credits but I don't think I can.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
We recently closed on a new house and are moving in at the end of May. That's cool.
I'm considering posting my "book" that I started writing here in blog form since I may never publish it. I'll never have the time to write the rest of it.
Okay then, thanks for looking in.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
I started out with like 20 viewers on each video but the last few are 10, 9, 6. So, I guess I'm getting pretty boring. I already know my life is uninteresting, is that it? Should I just quit? My mom likes my vlogs! (of course)
If you want to check them out, see it here.
Tuesday, June 04, 2013
- My wife falls roller skating on Sunday. She needs an ambulance to get to the ER. Broken Forearm (both bones) and Cracked Tailbone. She has a massive knot on the back of her head but no concussion. Doctors estimate she'll be in a splint all summer. Pain may not go away for years.
- Youngest of eight, our little girl, is sick with a fever. It's a bug that has slowly been going around the family. It's been a rough couple days with her.
- My thirteen-year-old closed the door on my three-year-old's fingers causing massive deformation and swelling. We thought something was broken; spent another several hours in the ER Monday.
- With my wife unable to do basic movements without pain, she is unable to do the things she does all day including taking children to the doctor, etc. (We have some help today for that.)
- My 40th birthday is on Saturday, we were supposed to have a party. My wife insists we still will have it but we need to do massive amounts of cleaning before then. It sure looks bleak that we will get that done so that may not happen. Friends want us to postpone but with our busy lives, I don't imagine we could have it another time if we postponed. At least not for several months.
- The way our insurance works, we pay out of pocket until we hit our $2,600 deductible. I am estimating that we probably hit that, however, that means I have to take money from our vacation fund to pay for it. We have been planning and saving to go to Washington, DC for three years. I am concerned we either won't make it or it will be severely cut short.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
I'm having this problem at home and at work and it's driving me crazy. I don't know exactly what forums to post to because it affects Windows and Mac machines so it's not anything specific to one platform.
I'm referring to IPs that simply decide that it will no longer work. Here is the scenario...
I have a computer, server, device, whatever. This machine as been running fine for weeks, months, years. Then one day NOTHING, no speako. What am I talking about? Ping is one. Let's say I have three computers:
What will happen is that one day 192.168.1.5 will no longer "talk" to 192.168.1.10 but it will "talk" to .20. 20 can see both 5 and 10. And 10 can talk to 20, but not 5.
It is that strange. I could have 100 computers on the same network, same subnet. And one day computer A will no longer talk to 30 of those computers, but the other 70 will talk just fine.
It's not a firewall issue. If I were to change the IP address of .5 to .6, it will suddenly talk on the network. if I get a fourth computer and change its IP to .5, it won't be able to talk to .10 just like the other computer. It's specifically that IP address, nothing else.
Over time the IP address remains "blacklisted" weeks or months later it still will be unavailable. Restarting networking equipment doesn't fix it. Restarting the computer doesn't fix it. Flushing ARP tables doesn't help.
This is the strangest problem I have encountered ever. I don't know what to do.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Erin went to Franciscan University like us but we didn't really know her. Holly recognized her so we struck up a conversation with them one day and we all became immediate friends. The Deemers were so inviting and friendly. We had countless afternoons and evenings, Sundays and Holidays together. At the time they had two children just like us. Two girls, we had two boys.
Paul and I would go out for beer and wings every chance we got. Paul set the limit, however, that he would never leave the house before the children were in bed; 8:30pm. Family was always first, #1, and I respected that. It was inspiring to me even then because I would have been like, "Honey, I'm going out, can you put the kids to bed?" But no, he always made sure he prayed with this children, gave them blessings and put them to bed before leaving the house.
Our Jonathan was born in 2001 and we asked the Deemers to be his God parents. Within a few months of that they moved away to Ann Arbor, Michigan but we vowed to keep in touch.
Paul and I both worked online and we chatted often on AOL Instant Messenger. One day he says to me. "Tom, Findlay, Ohio is about 1 1/2 hours from you and the same for me. What if we met there at a place called Fricker's and have beer and wings?" I was all in. Of course, as you can imagine, we could not leave the house until the children were in bed, even then so we would leave and get to Fricker's at 10:00pm. We would stay there and talk, eat, and drink, and then head home about 1am. Sometimes it would be as late as 2 or 2:30am which would put us home about 4am. But it was worth it!
Paul was always a friend to me. He sought me out many times to get together when the time had been too far between visits. We would get on the phone shortly after leaving the house, talk all the way up, talk while we visited, and then talked all the way home.
Things in my life that Paul has inspired in me are so numerous. I would like to list them all but I will no doubt forget them. My online name, "Tomnibus" was his idea. He said that I had so much information in my head that I was like a big Omnibus. So he called me Tomnibus.
Paul was an Actuary and Chief Financial Officer. I would go to him whenever I had financial questions he has talked me into and out of many many things. I am so grateful for his knowledge.
Paul is the reason why I became the Director of IT at the Columbus Museum of Art. I was sitting in a cubical in 2006 as a consultant writing code when he e-mailed me to say he was named Vice-President of his insurance company. I thought to myself, "Wow, this guy is a year younger than me and already this successful, I have to do something with my life!" That very day I had a call from the Art Museum and I jumped all over it.
He helped paint my house for "work equity" so we could buy it. I helped him move a huge pile of dirt to his backyard. The wheel barrow in our garage was his that he left behind for me when they moved to Michigan. Erin and he introduced us to "Fiesta Chicken" that we had on the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe.
We were preparing to get together for a visit in Findlay one October evening when I received a text message from Paul. He was sick, throwing up, back pains. Thought he had a stomach bug. He had to cancel, "Maybe we can look into next week." I was sad but okay, it wasn't be the first time we had to cancel. Over the next few days I didn't hear from him. I e-mailed him and he said he had to talk to me but wanted to call me and he would soon. I patiently waited. A few weeks went by and I tried again. His e-mail back was simply, "Call me....". I called him and he went on to tell me how that night he got so sick, the next day Erin took him to the ER and there was something wrong. By the end of the weekend they had diagnosed him with Esophageal Cancer and not only that, it was in his lymph nodes and his liver; Stage 4.
I started to cry, he would have none of that. Over the next 16 months we talked, e-mailed, it became less over time. We did get to meet one time during his treatments. It was a good evening. After a bit it seemed he was in the clear. But then things got worse. I got an e-mail from him saying it was coming back faster. He said he wanted to see me but he would contact me.
A couple months went by, I asked him how he was doing, the e-mail back was: "Not good, we should talk." We never got to talk. Just before Christmas Holly had this feeling that things were going very badly. We contacted Erin, asked if we should be dropping everything to come up. She said, "Well, you shouldn't drop everything but we should plan a visit."
It was a perfect day for me. I got to talk to my best friend. I asked him if he was ready. He said, "yes". We shared a beer. It was wonderful and I thank God for that gift of just two hours with him. We drove home and I learned the next day he had gotten worse, unable to speak or stay awake for very long. Sunday the Lord took him to Himself. At the time of his death, I was having beer and wings celebrating my son's 3rd birthday. How amazing is that?
Paul taught me the value of family and family life. Sadly, I don't know if I followed his example over the last few years but I am turning over a new leaf. Holly and I were inspired by his love for his family that we're going to strive to make major changes in our family. Spend more time with the children, put them first. We're going to need some help, Paul, I'll be asking for your intercession.
I haven't read this whole thing over again so I apologize for any dis-jointed or rambling that I did. I feel that I wasn't able to explain everything this man has been do me. I don't think anyone will ever know. Paul is the kind of friend you find once in a lifetime. I am blessed to have had the time with him that I did.
In a recent homily our dear Fr. Bill was commenting on the parable Jesus told about His coming like a thief in the night. We will "know not the day nor the hour." However, he said, if we are faithful in prayer and trying to follow God in our lives, He will send us the help that we need.
A little over a year before Paul's cancer diagnosis he had the same dream three times, in which he felt himself looking down on a scene where myself and our children were visiting the site of his death- it was clear that we were going on without him. A great sorrow from those dreams kept coming back to him, and he grappled with what that might mean. It led him to take care of some practical things, just in case his family should be left without him someday.
Paul never spoke of those dreams to me, until he was admitted to the hospital on October 22, 2011. From that moment he had a sense that this was the event that God had given him gentle warning of. Although filled with great sorrow, he prayed with Christ in His Passion, "My heart is ready, O God; My heart is ready." Paul never stopped praying, along with all of us, for his recovery. He never stopped going through any treatment the doctors thought might help. In fact, the Wednesday before his death he could hardly walk, but he courageously made the heroic effort to get to the Karmanos Cancer Center in Detroit, in the hope that he might still qualify for the clinical trial they were setting him up for. When they had to turn him down, he very quickly began to deteriorate. He was very concerned that we know he was not giving up, just letting go. It was time- this was God's will. When we spoke of Venerable Fulton Sheen's prayers for him he simply said, "I think he wants to talk to me face to face."
We are so grateful for the prayers of so many people, and we are certain that those prayers granted us our first miracle, his initial amazing recovery- a whole year of wonderful time to spend with Paul- a last vacation and camping trip, last Birthdays, Anniversaries, Feast Days, baseball games, walks in the woods, bike rides...
On Sunday, January 13, 2013 Paul received Holy Communion and the Anointing of the Sick from Fr. Bill Ashbaugh. Shortly after Paul's family arrived his breathing became labored and we tried all we could to make him comfortable and at peace. At 3 pm, even though he could barely speak, he called for me. When I let him know I was there he made the sign of the cross to the best of his ability and folded his hands. So I gathered the children in and we began the Divine Mercy prayers and prayers for those in their agony. Shortly thereafter Fr. Gerald Gawronski arrived and anointed him again, as his condition had worsened. He prayed for Paul and read aloud some of Paul's favorite Psalms. As he took his final breath I told him that I loved him; that Rose and Catherine and Anne loved him; that John Paul and Benedict and Fulton loved him; that baby Teresa loved him; that his parents and brothers and Grandmother loved him. Then he gave one final deep breath, and gave up his spirit to God. Moments later, Fr. Bill began the 6 pm Sunday Mass at St. Thomas, offered for Paul.
How Good God is. He has not missed one blessing for Paul and for us. I am sure He has not abandoned us now, but has great good for us. After all, He is Our Father.
God is Love.
Paul's Final MessageShortly after his death, we found this in Paul's notebook...
"As we have come to the sunset of my earthly life, we gather for my Funeral Mass. I want to take a few moments to briefly reflect on the last 18 months of my life. As Shakespeare said, "When sorrow comes, it doesn't come in the form of one or two spies, but it comes as a whole battalion." This was definitely true for me. But as St. Paul said, in times such as these grace abounds all the more. I would like to thank the countless Catholic families who brought us meals over the past year. I would also like to thank the countless people who prayed for me, organized novenas, and had dozens of Masses said for me. I am truly humbled by the immediate and sustained outpouring of support from our local Catholic community.
In addition I would like to thank James Petcoff, owner of Conifer Insurance, for providing such staunch support for me from the moment I called him from my hospital room to let him know I was in deep trouble medically. That support allowed me to go through the past year without worrying about finance or insurance. Thank you Jim, you are a fine person who does the right thing even if not convenient.
I would also like to thank Dr. Philip Stella and the whole oncology group at St. Joseph Mercy who took such good care of me.
I would like to thank Fr. Gerald Gawronski, Fr. Bill Ashbaugh, and Fr. Dennis Brown for all of the spiritual guidance provided over the last year. The countless Masses celebrated in my house when I was ill, the many times of bringing me Holy Communion, and the countless hours spent discussing the spiritual aspects of what was happening to myself and my family all were tremendously helpful for navigating a time of great pain and sorrow.
And lastly, I thank you for coming to my funeral. Hopefully there is plenty of incense. My wish would be for it to look as though the fog had just rolled in. After all, incense symbolizes prayer rising to heaven. Please pray for me."
Scripture passages, and quotes from the Saints. It signified for him the attitude he must have during the time of trial.
Lead Thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home—
Lead Thou me on!
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene—one step enough for me.
Shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path; but now,
Lead Thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will: remember not past years.
Will lead me on,
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone;
And with the morn those angel faces smile
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile.
Because we live in a world where position is determined economically,